The Only Way to Truly Heal This World is to Bring Back "Bowling For Dollars"

Everywhere you turn your little pinhead, suffering exists. Crime, drugs, war, poverty, and general malaise is running rampant through our streets. Mr. President could talk about solutions but the only way we can begin the healing process is to bring back an old staple of the 70's: "Bowling for Dollars."

For those of you who don't remember, "Bowling for Dollars" was a regional show that offered modest cash prizes for those who can dazzle the alleyways of a local bowling alley. Pros need not apply. This was all about the 'everyman' trying to win enough cash to, perhaps, buy a lovely pair of shoes, and if enough is left over, a pack of gum.

You may be asking how a tiny little, low-budget show can alter the fabric of society's ills? Well, I don't know either. Actually, I just really think it'd be something fun to watch after drinking all night and the only way to convince the average tube-jockey is to promise that with the resurgence of this show, Iraqi children will be pushing paper hoops with a stick down a grassy hill. You know what? That's not completely inconceivable.

But come the fuck on! This show looks like a delightful kick to the nuts. Thanks to my secret love, YouTube, I was able to actually find a clip:



(NOTE: If this clip is gone by the time you read this, then that means Viacom is one step closer to their sinister plans of world domination.)

If some television producer is spending his lunch break browsing blogs and decides that my idea is a good one, let's hope he presents this idea to the Comptroller of Television. I only ask that the set not be updated with some menacing lighting that's more than fitting for a mass execution but not for out-of-shape men and women bowling for pocket change. As a matter of fact, don't change a damn thing. I want it to look like it's perpetually 1979 in whatever broken-down alley they happen to be filming. That would be zen.