Shark Week Attack!

A few days ago, bathers were asked to remove themselves from the ocean water in Long Beach, New York after what looked like sharks were seen cavorting in the shallow waters.  Although it turned out to be harmless cownose rays out for some nookie, for a while beach-goers were convinced Discovery had taken guerrilla marketing for their annual "Shark Week" event to a new low.

Dawn of the Attatck of The Deadly Squirrels

Two weeks ago, my girlfriend was walking out of her office when a squirrel jumped on her and then quickly off again to go scurry off and do whatever it is these animals do. Unharmed but shaken, she proclaimed that the squirrel had the foul stench of bloodlust in its breath. I accused her of exaggerating her peril slightly. Unamused by my lack of concern, she accused me of being a "squirrel sympathizer". That stung.

Boris the Puppy

Boris

No family is complete without a wacky overabundance of animals. That's why I'd like to announce the newest member of our menagerie: Boris. He's 8 weeks old, enjoys chewing on everything, misses the wee-wee pad by a good meter, relaxes to the smooth vocal stylings of Enya and can fit comfortably inside most shoeboxes. We named him Boris because we're teaching him to hate moose and squirrels.