Takin' a Dump with Jaime Lee

Jaime Lee Curtis made a name for herself playing memorable roles in classic films such as Halloween, A Fish Called Wanda, Trading Places, True Lies and many others.  Now in her 50's, she seems content being the spokeswoman for Dannon Activia yogurt.  In these commercials, Jaime plays host to various women who have no problem discussing their bowel movements with a celebrity.  I normally ignore yogurt ads, but a light bulb went off in my head.  These commercials are just begging to be spun-off into a full-fledged, daytime talk show.  We can call it "Takin' a Dump with Jaime Lee". 

I Have a Cold, Not a Meth Lab

My girlfriend is getting sick, which means I'll probably be getting sick soon too. At any rate, she had asked me to pick up some cold medication to help alleviate the symptoms. I was warned that I will need to bring ID and I have to ask for it from behind the counter. "Why?", I asked. "Are they afraid I'm going to get all hopped up cold medication?" Apparently, they are.

How Toilets Work

A memo came in today from the president of the company I work for. It stated that we should refrain from throwing paper towels into the urinal as it clogs it up the pipes and renders it inoperable. I can't believe he actually had to write that. It's almost as if he admonished us not to use the rubber glue in the supply closet as a sexual lubricant. You'd think everyone would have learned through years of trial and error the consequences of said actions. One creates a smelly mess on the floor while the other makes for an embarrassing trip to the emergency room. And both are as obvi-fucking-ous as the curly hair on my balls. But time and time again, we all have to be reminded not to be so dense.

My Crap Don't Stink.... At Least Compared to the Work Bathrooms!

Hello future ex-coworkers. By the time you read this, you will have found my website. Good for you! Now I'm not entirely blaming you, but why is it some of you decide to wait until you're at work to move your bowels in the most foulest of fashions?