Your Yard Sale is not an Antique Store.

I'll come clean and openly admit I enjoy going to garage sales, yard sales, tag sales or whatever "browse-through-my-unwanted-junk" type of sale I happen upon. I'm always on the lookout for some vinyl records, interesting old knick-knacks and, particularly, retro video games from the 90's or older. Sometimes I find cool things. Just today I paid four dollars (talked down from seven) for an unused copy of Elephun. Why would I buy a game for children? It's an elephant that sneezes butterflies. Why don't I have a room full of them.

Those butterflies look delighted to have partied in an elephant's trunk. 

When Did Shopping at the Pharmacy Become Needlessly Complicated?

This past Saturday was rainy and most certainly dreary. Not willing to venture out anywhere important, I figured I'd start packing up some items I was selling on eBay. One problem: I was out of packing tape. So I drove down to Walgreens for a simple roll of the stuff. In-and-out, right? No. Although I was only the third person on line, it was a fifteen minute wait. Seems a middle-aged woman, apparently thrifty, was discussing the "points" or "charges" on her receipt. It sounded like a stream of nonsensical numbers and words. She could have been speaking Esperanto for all I cared. All I wanted to do was pay for my sticky tape and be on my merry way.

The Car Horn: Useful Driving Tool or Harbinger of Death?

Is there a more startling sound than the sustained wail of the average car horn? The only two things I could possibly think of would be a heavy book being dropped in a large, quiet room or Maury Povich telling me that I am the father. But while I understand the need for the urgent nature of the car horn's rebellious yell, it's also in the hand of irrational, quick-tempered idiots.

New York Comic Con 2011

No words this time; all video. Save your reading glasses the wear and tear.

Once again, courtesy of Joseph Ammendolea.

Review of 2010 Comic Con

[Note from Dave: The following review of the 2010 Comic Con was written by comic book affectionado and professional bullfight-watcher Joseph Ammendolea. I didn't really read it, but he told me it was quite lovely.] 

It’s October 2011 in New York City everyone is hitting up the local costume shop not for Halloween but for NY Comic Con held at the Javits Center. Some say this lovely little gathering brings together all the nerds of the metropolis who cannot afford a plane ticket to San Diego.  That was perhaps true during its inaugural run in 2006 but in fact NY Comic Con has now become one of the largest conventions in New York City. This for-profit convention is so popular it almost justifies my pale complexion and lack of planned activities on Friday nights.

Let's Not Talk About Video Games

I am a misunderstood individual.  In the universal rankings of everything and everyone that's popular for being highly misunderstood, I'd fall somewhere between "crop circles" and "female emotions".

Why exactly am I calling myself misunderstood?  Well it begins with a little confession.  I enjoy video games.  Not as much as your average "hardcore gamer" but a little more than those who are nagging me to help them plant digital plants in Farmville.

Stupid DMV is Giving Me Nothing to Complain About

I'm big on waiting until the last minute to do things that need to get done.  Renewing my driver's license was no exception.  Despite having two months advance notice to submit my paperwork through the mail, I waited until three days past its expiration.  Wearing my warm coat of pessimism, I drove down to my local DMV office.  I had counted on leaving with the same feelings of unpleasantness I would have if I rested a hot iron on my nuts.  So imagine my shock and chagrin when I walked out satisfied with the entire process.  I am rather upset about that.

I Hate Talking on the Phone

I just got the Droid. I like using it for many things. I just hate talking it on. It's not the phone's fault. I hate phone conversations in general.  I have nothing personal against the people with whom I'm speaking. I just happen to get very antsy when I'm on the phone, like I want to be doing something - ANYTHING - else at that very moment.

Is Your "Google Finger" Broken?

Greetings and welcome to 2010. We're living in a technological wonderland where you can look up anything from a wide array of different devices.  Knowing that, maybe it's about time we stop asking other people questions that we can answer ourselves much faster.

All Aboard the Douchebag Express

Never before have the words "change at Jamaica" been so musical to my ears.

The Long Island Railroad is a mixed-blessing. On one hand, it serves as a quick and convenient mode of transportation for New York City outings eliminating the hassle of having to take your car and limiting your alcohol intake as a result. On the flip side, there are usually drunker, louder people coming home with you. I'm sure there's a graph somewhere outlining the "Post-Midnight Budweiser Theorum" that states for every quiet drunk who's only interested in passing out on the ride home, there's an oppositely obnoxious guy cracking the same bad joke loudly so that some commuter 30 rows down can pay him undeserved attention.

Get in Line

It's true I might be a little OCD and disorganization is a fingernail on the blackboard to me. It's also true I might be a teeny bit cognizant of humanity's inherent "sneakiness" and how it seeps out whenever there's an time-saving opportunity to take advantage of. But regardless of the reason, people who can't queue properly on a simple line gives my blood pressure a rude goosing.

Marketing Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Today is the beginning of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, an annual social campaign to promote education and information on the disease, as well as raise funds to help find causes, development treatment and, hopefully, find a cure. It was founded in 1993 by Evelyn Lauder (Senior Corporate Vice President of Estée Lauder). Since then, the number of companies supporting the drive has grown dramatically.

Put Your Shirt On, Dude!

It is officially autumn in the northeast United States. If there were ever a time for guys to walk around the neighborhood shirtless, this definitely isn't it.

1,215,223.1 Football Fields Under The Sea

Since the 1960's, metrication has affected 95% of the world's population. However, there are three nations in the world that have thumbed their noses at the Metric System. America is one of them. There's a good reason for that. We'd be completely lost if we can't measure distances by "football* fields". For reference: a "football field" is equal to 100 yards, 300 feet, 91.44 meters or one-quarter of four football fields (yes, we even measure football fields in "football fields").

Road Conversation for One

Driving alone often leads to controlled bouts of mild insanity. At least that's the observation I made about myself after taking a half-mile drive to the drugstore this morning.

An Open Letter to that "Staring Woman"

Dear "Woman Who Stares at Me While I'm on the Porch":

When I step out onto my second floor porch I am often bemused and bewildered to see you transfixed in my general direction. At first, I brush it off as simple curiosity that spills into a social faux pas. Soon thereafter, I become freaked-out and paranoid. Stop that.

Lotto Whores

Is it possible to be turned-on by playing the lottery? No... that is not what I mean when I use the phrase "Lotto Whores". I'm using the word "whores" as a verb as defined to mean "to pursue a faithless, unworthy, or idolatrous desire". And while I've never been one to stop others from pursuing some stupid unworthy desires (as it is my main source of entertainment in this life), I do take umbrage when it's keeping me from getting to work on time.

How Toilets Work

A memo came in today from the president of the company I work for. It stated that we should refrain from throwing paper towels into the urinal as it clogs it up the pipes and renders it inoperable. I can't believe he actually had to write that. It's almost as if he admonished us not to use the rubber glue in the supply closet as a sexual lubricant. You'd think everyone would have learned through years of trial and error the consequences of said actions. One creates a smelly mess on the floor while the other makes for an embarrassing trip to the emergency room. And both are as obvi-fucking-ous as the curly hair on my balls. But time and time again, we all have to be reminded not to be so dense.

UL Approved Halloween

A few years ago, it seemed somewhat amusing - but now I'm completely baffled by the continued appeal of the "Plug and Socket" costume set. Do people walk into the store and say, "Ahh Fuck it! I don't have a personality or any imagination. I'll be a piece of electrical equipment this year."? Were they out of Desk Lamp and Coaxial Cable costumes? I see this more and more every year and it's gotten to the point where a Congressional Ban is in order.

Allow Me to Slap That Thing Out Yer Ear!

Our hearing-impaired brothers and sisters have long had technology working overtime making their hearing aids smalling and more inconspicuous. Meanwhile, the cell phone toting public has taken to walking around with large, imposing-looking earpieces permanently lodged in their cochlea. Why? So they can save the entire second or two it would take to manually lift the phone up to their ear. All that time they'll save over the course of an average lifespan could be used to give coffee an extra stir in the morning. Outstanding!