Craigslist is Balls for Job Searching

As you may have gathered, I've been unemployed now for the past couple of months thanks to an economy that's less stable than a drunk walking down a steep incline (...meh). During the course of my exhaustive job hunt, I threw a few resumes, complete with cover letters, to ads posted on Craigslist. And nine times out of ten, I'm forced to realize that my time would have been better spent addressing those emails to the kitchen wall.

Lotto Whores

Is it possible to be turned-on by playing the lottery? No... that is not what I mean when I use the phrase "Lotto Whores". I'm using the word "whores" as a verb as defined to mean "to pursue a faithless, unworthy, or idolatrous desire". And while I've never been one to stop others from pursuing some stupid unworthy desires (as it is my main source of entertainment in this life), I do take umbrage when it's keeping me from getting to work on time.

How Toilets Work

A memo came in today from the president of the company I work for. It stated that we should refrain from throwing paper towels into the urinal as it clogs it up the pipes and renders it inoperable. I can't believe he actually had to write that. It's almost as if he admonished us not to use the rubber glue in the supply closet as a sexual lubricant. You'd think everyone would have learned through years of trial and error the consequences of said actions. One creates a smelly mess on the floor while the other makes for an embarrassing trip to the emergency room. And both are as obvi-fucking-ous as the curly hair on my balls. But time and time again, we all have to be reminded not to be so dense.

You Incompetent Boob!

I did some quick math today at work, and the results are quite depressing. Using my space-age slide rule, I estimated that I spent approximately three-quarters of my day correcting other people's mistakes. I have a low tolerance for this sort of crap, especially since a law had been passed that made it a felony to rest one's head up one's ass. I would make citizen's arrests, but I'm too nice.

My Crap Don't Stink.... At Least Compared to the Work Bathrooms!

Hello future ex-coworkers. By the time you read this, you will have found my website. Good for you! Now I'm not entirely blaming you, but why is it some of you decide to wait until you're at work to move your bowels in the most foulest of fashions?