New York Comic Con 2011

No words this time; all video. Save your reading glasses the wear and tear.

Once again, courtesy of Joseph Ammendolea.

Shark Week Attack!

A few days ago, bathers were asked to remove themselves from the ocean water in Long Beach, New York after what looked like sharks were seen cavorting in the shallow waters.  Although it turned out to be harmless cownose rays out for some nookie, for a while beach-goers were convinced Discovery had taken guerrilla marketing for their annual "Shark Week" event to a new low.

Takin' a Dump with Jaime Lee

Jaime Lee Curtis made a name for herself playing memorable roles in classic films such as Halloween, A Fish Called Wanda, Trading Places, True Lies and many others.  Now in her 50's, she seems content being the spokeswoman for Dannon Activia yogurt.  In these commercials, Jaime plays host to various women who have no problem discussing their bowel movements with a celebrity.  I normally ignore yogurt ads, but a light bulb went off in my head.  These commercials are just begging to be spun-off into a full-fledged, daytime talk show.  We can call it "Takin' a Dump with Jaime Lee". 

Stop It, VH1!

Video Hits the First, I respectfully request you cease immediately. Don't even act like have no idea what I'm talking about. You know what you're doing. Just please, stop it. You are on the verge of causing irreparable harm to millions of viewers.

Her-Sponsor-oes

Dear NBC:

I understand your dilemma. Less people are watching your sponsors' advertisements and you need to find away to counter that. I begrudgingly accept you have to inject thinly veiled advertisements into the shows themselves. But in the September 22nd episode of Heroes ("The Butterfly Effect"), you may have taken the concept to a new level. Allow me to remind you of this scene, which takes place in an African desert:

Weirdo's Ode to a Game Show

Due to economical circumstances beyond anyone's control, I have found myself watching a lot of game shows for the last month. I now know more about "Dumb Dora" that Gene Rayburn and Brett Somers combined. But that's not what this post is about.

Worst. Local Commercials. EVER!

Advertising on television is still the best way to get your brand out to a captive audience (the ones without DVRs at least). A lot of research, time and money goes into all of those memorable ads you talk about the day after the Superbowl. This post is not about those commercials. It's about the local spots you see outside the peak viewing hours, cheaply made and horribly acted. They'd be forgettable if they weren't so ludicrously bad. Observe:

Reality Shows I Just Can't Wrap My Head Around

I don't particularly care for reality television. To me, it's a bunch of lazy, high concept ideas that are thrown against a wall, rapid-fire style, to see what sticks. And way too much is sticking which is making that "wall" a puke-colored mess.

The 9 Life Lessons Learned from America's Funniest Home Videos

As we grow older and leave formal education behind, our brains continue learning from many unlikely sources. For me, my observation of the participants on "America's Funniest Home Videos" have offered up a new world of knowledge about society. And because Christmas is around the corner and I can't afford to buy you anything, I will instead give you the gift of wisdom with these nine life lessons I learned through AFV. Use it how you will.

I Now Pronounce Thee Man and Psycho

My girlfriend doesn't like it when I make fun of a show she's watching. I admit it's wrong and obnoxious. I understand that pointing out my observation about Andrea Zuckerman looking older than Nat on "Beverly Hills 90210" is completely unnecessary. I will apologize for that. But then I'll stroll into the living room and catch a glimpse of her watching "Bridezillas" and holding my tongue becomes like a runaway train I'm trying to stop with my ass cheeks. How can you watch it and not make fun of it?

2008 Fall TV Preview

The summer is winding down and the new television season is staring us right in the face. Let's stare right back at it and highlight five interesting new and returning shows that will be lighting up your living room come September:

Why Do I Even Watch TV Anymore...

...when it only raises my blood-pressure to unhealthy levels? No, it's not the quality of the programming I'm bitching about. It's the amount of promos and garbage you have to visually weed-through to get to the actual entertainment.

Logos and Idents and Bumpers - Oh My!

Television is a medium that spends its entire existence doing nothing more than trying to grab your eyes and ears by its balls. It is the attention-whore in your living room that won't be ignored. With that said, it should come as no surprise that even the short station identifications, program bumpers and production logos have become these memorable orgies of sounds and visuals. Some of them tried so hard, that they're practically unnerving. This is especially true to young children for whom any strange noise can either be a menacing robot attack or the "NBC Night at the Movies". These short animated idents I grew up watching were so outlandish or eerie that they're fascinating. And apparently, I'm not the only one who reminisces about these things judging by how easy it is to find them on video sites .

If You're Smarter Than a 5th Grader, You Might Be a Redneck

Perhaps my astrological sign dictates my desire to be overly critical of most empty-calorie pop culture snacks (if you believe in that new age horse shit), but I can't help but get annoyed by the hit game show "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?". You would think I'd blame catchphrase comedian-turned-host Jeff Foxworthy, but he does an ample job of pronouncing the contestants' and kids' names correctly (the only prerequisite for hosting a game show in my book). Nope. It's the damned theme song! Not since The Spin Doctors have I heard such an insipid piece of music. Let's see if I can do this:

Alabama Chicken and Re-animated Popcorn Magnates

Thanks to the advancements of channel selection, digital video recorders and Nintendo handhelds, I pay little attention to commercials anymore. However, there are still times when I'm caught off guard and I found myself glued to an advertisement that inspires me to dedicate a blog post to them.

The Only Way to Truly Heal This World is to Bring Back "Bowling For Dollars"

Everywhere you turn your little pinhead, suffering exists. Crime, drugs, war, poverty, and general malaise is running rampant through our streets. Mr. President could talk about solutions but the only way we can begin the healing process is to bring back an old staple of the 70's: "Bowling for Dollars."

Toot Sweet

As per usual, I sat outside of my office during one of my frequent cigarette breaks. My co-worker somehow got into describing how she used to order tons of stuff off the Home Shopping Network. I interrupted her to ask if she ever got a "toot" from the on-air salesperson. She only answered with a look of dejection.

Standing in a Chow Line

Sunday - the day usually reserved for playing catch-up with the life you've handed over to this hectic world's meddlesome hands. Some do chores. Some spend the day outside. Some go to church. Some stay in bed. I spent the entire day watching a Good Times marathon.