1. Trampoline fun never ends well.
It's amazing trampolines haven't gone the way of lawn darts in the US seeing as the end result is almost always, at best, a few bruises. Sure, they do sell protective barriers to keep the bouncing good time contained within the confines of the trampoline, but who wants to spend the extra money? Furthermore, if you see someone about to jump onto a trampoline with a pogo stick from the garage roof, you should probably call the emergency room for a reservation ahead of time.
2. Kids always go for the crotch.
Playing with your child? Perhaps you should be wearing a cup. Because kids will always aim square for that area whenever they're throwing a ball, play fighting, practicing their karate or just plain 'ole "headbutting daddy's crotch while wearing a helmet".
3. Old people are expendable.
Nothing causes the average studio member to guffaw more than an old person having a perilous misadventure in front of a camera. It seems odd. If you were at home and your grandmother slipped and fell, you'd be panicking. But if you have the camera on? Comedic gold. I'm not confident in the humor level of this article, so just to hedge my bets:
4. There's an oxygen shortage at the alter during weddings.
There's seems to be a fainting epidemic happening at wedding ceremonies around the country according to AFV. Sometimes it's the bride. Sometimes it's the groom. Sometimes it's some random member of the wedding party who should have nothing to be hyperventilating about. The exact cause is unknown but I theorize that the excessive candles they insist on lighting might be the culprit. That's why, when I get married, I'm doing it inside an oxygen tent.
5. There's no reasonable way to keep a toupee attached to your head.
Toupees are a bad idea on so many levels. And their ridiculousness is made even worse by the fact that the men wearing them can't keep these dead skunks in place. Toupees have been easily displaced by the gentlest acts of nature (e.g. breeze), an overexcited animal, or a grandchild going for the crotch.
6. The obese have too much faith in flimsy furniture.
There's this sense of panic that overcomes everyone when an extremely overweight person goes to sit on a porch swing or cheap plastic lawn chair. You know what's going to happen but no one wants to insult the person who's about to break your furniture. It doesn't matter anyway, because before you'd even have a chance to intervene, there's already a large person on the floor surrounded by broken bits of plastic and pride.
7. Don't get your hopes up for cake when a child is blowing out the candles.
Parents love having their kids blow out candles. Why not? It's a tradition. But once that expensive, lavishly decorated, and probably delicious cake has been ruined by a toddler who can't control his saliva when blowing air, the disappointment is just too great to bear.
8. There's no shortage of idiots who think they're agile.
Whether it's running across a table, jumping over something or attempting a back flip, everyone thinks they're an Olympic hopeful right up until that moment their face meets the ground. I bet you know at least a few people who've seriously hurt themselves trying to impress others by attempting a Triple Lindy into a wading pool.
9. There's never a situation urgent enough to put down the camera.
The promise of a big payday and fifteen minutes of fame has kept cameras firmly glued to the hands of people who would otherwise be turning their attention to a pressing situation. That's how we get prize winning shots of kids destroying the family automobiles, animals wrecking Thanksgiving dinner, old ladies falling (see above), out of control automobiles piling into a crowd, and people toppling off tall rocks. Why help when you can film it instead? Ka-ching!
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