Worst. Local Commercials. EVER!

Advertising on television is still the best way to get your brand out to a captive audience (the ones without DVRs at least). A lot of research, time and money goes into all of those memorable ads you talk about the day after the Superbowl. This post is not about those commercials. It's about the local spots you see outside the peak viewing hours, cheaply made and horribly acted. They'd be forgettable if they weren't so ludicrously bad. Observe:

The Divorce Lawyer

Attorneys get a bad rap sometimes. But then you see a commercial like the one above and you find your opinion of the profession suddenly dropping even lower. "You want revenge? Blood? Devastation? Armageddon? Call my law office now and buy me a new boat!"

The Credit Mack Daddy

Old, white, small business proprietors - STOP rapping! I can't begin to list the hundreds of reasons why it's a bad idea. Do you think the young poseurs of America are going to lift their heads up from the Jay-Z CD liner notes to think about applying for a car loan?

Eagleman Insurance

Uninsured motorists - beware! If you go out driving, a large bird will attack your car and lay an egg on the roof. But don't be too nervous. That egg is full of great rates! Still scary though.

Dial-An-Insult

In the nineties, there was a 900 number for anything you can possibly imagine. And if you were especially masochistic, you can pay someone money to insult you over the telephone. Children, get your parents permission to be taken down a peg or two.

1-800-2SellHomes

"Emily, while we're here shopping for clothing I was somehow reminded about great ways to sell your home. Now I want you to respond to my advice with absolutely no emotion. Ready? Go!"

Frankie & Johnnie's

I say I say I say I say I say - what did I just say about old white men trying to be hip!? At least I know who to turn to when I can't decide between furniture or a fried chicken meal. Now I can have both! Let 'em have it!

Postscript: Yes, I know I left out the Norton's Furniture commercials with the raspy-voiced, scary guy. I decided to give that one a rest for a while until it's old again. Right now - too obvious.