Clay Gay

Two posts in one day? I've never done that before. But I couldn't help myself. This is big news. Everything your read in the paper for the past 10 years? Forget all of it. This is all you need to know forever. Seriously, strap yourself into whatever you're calling a chair these days. While you're at it, send the kids to grandma's and yell at the dog for no good reason. Also: cancel your dinner plans, dump your significant other, quit your job and terminate your insurance policies. Nothing's important anymore except for what I'm about to tell you.

Ready? No you're not. But I don't care. Here it is.... Clay Aiken, American Idol runner-up for season 2, has announced that he is... wait for it... gay.

I know you were probably expecting something more earth shattering but you should know by now that some pseudo-celebrity's sexual preferences is more important than anything, ever. How were we sleeping at night without knowing this? Pretty poorly, I assume.

Clay, you put the "Fab" back in "Fabulous". I have no idea what that means but it sounded nice and uplifting.

In unrelated news, Guinness has announced that a new world record was set for the most utterances of the phrase "well, DUH" in a single day.